Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Brian wants a badger.

It will be named Roadie, it will live in our back yard, and we will feed it pumpkins, because that is what badgers eat, apparently. Furthermore, it will be mostly purple and will not be like your typical badger in disposition… or maybe I’m a badgerphobe? Maybe to say you're being "badgered" is just as unjust as saying something is "so gay"? Either way, I’ve been assured this one will be well mannered and gentile.

So we are in the market for a badger.

To this end, we bought a pumpkin a couple weeks ago (not for lack of trying to grow one). This pumpkin was placed in our garden, at Brian’s direction, in order to lure the creature, and the fruit sat there for many days without event.

Now, though, it has disappeared, vanished. Only the dry stem was laying there in the garden, just as though it was the inedible bit of a purple badger’s snack. This, of course, caused some gaping smiles because, really, not even Brian thought that would happen. He was pretending just for fun, like pretending we were in the Star Wars universe, but instead of light sabers we get badger pets.

I am a scientist and am, of course, purple badger agnostic--some neighbor kid probably went to pick up the mushy thing, the stem pulled off, and he ditched the rest of the evidence--but Brian says he thinks he may have heard Roadie in the trees the night after the pumpkin disappeared.

I think I like Brian’s hypothesis better; too bad it doesn't work that way :-).


Kengo Biddles said...

My son was wearing a badger shirt this morning. My wife asked me how this song went, so I find it particularly funny that your boy has dreamed up a badger as well.

And I have to say I thought for a second that you or Rob or all 4 of you had been abducted by some rock band, which is why you this post is titled "Roadie."

Queers United said...

well if you do find that purple badger be sure to take pictures, this blog will get many hits!

[kɹeɪ̯ɡ̊] said...

Is in an invisible purple badger perchance?

Scot said...

Kengo, I think that link should have had a warning lable. Badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers...

QU "well if you do find that purple badger be sure to take pictures, this blog will get many hits!"

I wouldn't tell anyone. The conservative media would blame our "lifestyle" for making the proud badger docile and purple.

"Is in an invisible purple badger perchance?"

That would have the same problem as the I.P.U.; if it's invisible, what does it mean to have a color?

No, I wouldn't believe in invisible purple badgers, even if I saw one.

Cadence said...

I swear that snow college's mascot is a badger ans it wears a purple coat of some sort cause that's one of the colors... i'd get on here but im on my phone so itd be more trouble then its worth but next time im down there if I see a stuffed purple badger I might just pick one up...

Scot said...

Thanks for the pointer, Cadence.

I looked and one snow college mascot has blue and another purple on google images. Let me know if they do have a purple one, though.

Java said...

I love this idea!! I love that Brian wants a purple badger, and that this purple badger will have a pleasant disposition.

Children change *everything* don't they?