...a Man Who Bruises

My family has lost a lot of battles. Regardless of how this election ended up, looking back on that is how I should begin here.

We moved back to Utah, just in time to find a law passed that made it so only single gay men could adopt, not couples. With great emotional and regular effort, we fought our way past that to become parents. After we welcomed our boys into our home, there were then about three anti-marriage, anti-civil union laws passed in our state, pushed by LDS, and meant to make sure we had no "marriage-like" rights as a couple. We went up to the capitol on each to beg. Each time we were met with indifference or worse. Then we had our Amendment 3 which constitutionally took away all marriage rights and civil unions. Each time those laws passed handily, in the name of God, or family, or even marriage. Each time it was a kick in the head. Each time we regrouped and moved on.

Now Proposition 8 has passed, 52 to 48, and we may be once again without legal rights as a couple anywhere in the US, save those measly agreements a man could have with, say, his attorney. It is again difficult to take, and admit the world isn't what it should be and that this country isn't really the place where all have equal protection under the law. It's just tough to wrap your head around it.

I understand how it passed, though. I think the pro-prop 8 camp summed it up:

"We caused Californians to rethink this issue," Proposition 8 strategist Jeff Flint said. Early in the campaign, he noted, polls showed the measure trailing by 17 points. "I think the voters were thinking, well, if it makes them happy, why shouldn't we let gay couples get married. And I think we made them realize that there are broader implications to society and particularly the children when you make that fundamental change that's at the core of how society is organized, which is marriage," he said.

He's greatly right; we were going to keep equality under Ca state law, and their ads, backed by an influx of so much LDS money, did make a lot of good intentioned Californians "rethink the issue." Mr. Flint, though, didn't get people to "realize that there are broader implications"; he got people to fear us, their neighbors, to fear that we wanted to hurt their rights, to fear ghosts and mirages of "broader implications". He got them to believe they are the victim. Unfortunately, the lies worked, from the Boston Catholic Charities case to closing down LDS temples. They got the public to believe our case was about something as insipid as making gays "happy" or wanting "social acceptance", and convinced them that separate but equal isn't the oxymoron it inevitably is in law. Simply, let me say it again, they won by lies for which there should be guilt, no two ways about it (but how can you feel guilt about lying while doing God's work, right? ;-)).

The "fundamental core" of society here has been debased, not supported. Sacrifice, family, love and dedication are all made into a legal second class if the anatomy is off, and that sends a message that marriage isn't important to give to some families. Also they've set a precedence of putting into their constitution a retraction of and limitation on personal rights. All should be worried the tools they brought to the legal playing field are going to now find wider use, but I'm pretty sure they aren't worried right now.

Mr. Flint is also right about the broader implications for children, though wrong on which children he's worried about. Marriage doesn't make our children pop into existence, but treating our families like subordinates will hurt many children, and those for Prop 8 will still have to face the fact that their child will go to school with mine and learn that homosexuality is out there. What's worse for them is that their children will learn what their parents did to their friends' families. When the moral tide rises, and it is undeniably rising, even their children won't be buying what they're selling, and they'll be regarded as, say, I regard my well-intentioned, though undeniably bigoted grandmother.

Anyway, et cetera, et cetera, right?

I'm writing this now while my family sleeps. I don't want to be the one to tell this to my husband, but I will be. I don't want our kids to see the worry on my face. So I'm going to focus on what we have.

My family has lost a lot of battles, but I'll still start my day with my husband's embrace. I'll be greeted with our children's smiling faces. Family is simply stronger than "pro-family" groups can understand, and we'll find another way, if we need to. Nothing makes our inevitable victory in the face of so many lost battles seem more inevitable than the thought of the three of them.

What's better is that Brian is going to wake up and find his guy won; Barack Obama will be the next president. We have lost battles, but just think of how many battles the African American community has lost, how many times they felt beat down and were literally beat down. Today a man from their community, and apparently a great man (my distrust for politicians notwithstanding), is set to be the leader of the free world.

I am overwhelmed with a joy that dulls the sorrow for my family when I think of how that may feel to the African American who went through those tough time and thought this day would and could never come in the US. I am happy my boys will grow up with the first president they really know being a minority, and I hope this signals the death of much of our racist past.

I'm awake this morning in pain and bruised, but still proud of the US, even if our greatest ideals remain unrealized for some families, for my family. We will get there.

At the Polling Place

I ended up spending a good deal of my day as a poll watcher, which would be about as exciting as watching a pole, if not for the climate of election day.

I was meant to be sure no campaigning was going on at the polling place, make sure provisional ballots were offered, and to see who had voted, so that we could call and remind (harass) those who haven't made it to the polls yet.

By noon, well over half the registered voters in my precinct had voted, so the turnout looks to be great.

Anyway, so there I was doing my duty when one of the poll workers asked me who I'm helping and I told her. She then said that person must be a Democrat because she didn't know the name, followed up with "I'd never vote for a Democrat, no matter who they were." Fortunately no voter was at our table, but still, that's at least a violation of the spirit of her duties. She knew it too, as after she said it she wanted to make sure to point out that no voters were around.

And it got odder, I had to listen to a whole conversation about why the Catholics don't care about orphans like the LDS and how Methodists don't take "care of their flock" when they're sick. All in the sweetest, most respectful terms, of course; boy, we know how to insult here in Utah :-).

I then stepped away to check in at another table and came back to hear her say something like "...just hope they don't get a super majority; that would be scary". She said this to a voter (one who she apparently knew, but still!).

To top it off she started in on Proposition 8 (yes, even and of course here in Utah). Words like "disgusting" were used. Talking about the menace our families posed, apparently to everything decent, she ended with "What else would you expect from those people?"

I didn't say anything; I was instructed to not discuss any politics there at all and so I swallowed my anger and kept at my tedious work. Importantly, the polling place is as near to sacred ground a government can get in my mind. I kept to my job and away from discussing any politics, save to remind her of our instructions. But it was interesting to know how some people talk about us when they don't think their bigotry can be heard.

Anyway, just wanted to vent I guess, after holding it in.

Finally, Nov 4

We just got the boys off to school, I'm taking the morning off of work, and am about to head out to help get the vote out. Yes, I'm that unhealthily obsessed.

Day light saving time, McCain, Obama, and Proposition 8 have had me up since 4. I don't much want to think of it, but tomorrow we may once again be without a legal marriage, equal rights, responsibilities, or protections anywhere in the US (or maybe not, even if Prop 8 passes). I suppose it'd be silly to not think about that, when the rights of the three most important people in your life are on the line.

I just can't stop my fascination with some of the reasons people are using to justify treating our families this way; the scientist in me keeps running through them in an infinite loop, when I should know better by now; it's not science.

Tomorrow we may have to regroup, redraw plans, add one more governmentally disregarded contract of paper to our collection. But we'll still have our indelible contract of spirit. We may have to start again. But we will start again; we can't afford not to and will keep working to the day we have equal rights in our law. We could buy a trip to Connecticut? Canada? While I'm sure we'll have to move from Utah for this in our lifetime (unless SCOTUS steps in and upholds the 14th amendment for all Americans), we'll still have to figure out if it's worth it to move elsewhere right now, wherever that is. California was really the only place, other than Utah, we wanted to live, for its job opportunities for me and for its relative proximity to family in Utah. Or maybe it will all work out and I woke up worrying about my family's legal fate at 4 for nothing. Who knows.

What's clear is that, if you don't vote, you're a jerk. That's right, I'm calling you out.

So vote. Vote well (meaning how I voted or would vote ;-)). Anyway, happy election day and good luck.

I voted early....

...for that one.

I can't say I did it without some hesitation. I fear for the debt our kids will have to pay with our ballooning deficit and am leery of beginning a new governmental step into health care right now. But really, republican administrations have been horrible on debt and the last Democratic administration had a surplus. I just like to complain when I vote :-). The future of SCOTUS alone is reason enough to vote Obama.

I'm sorry Alan; armies are just not "pretty cool" enough, not when I've got you and your brother to think of.

I also know Obama promises hope and greater equality for many of our families and I want to believe it, and I did weight that in significantly. My first vote, though, was for a guy who promised to repeal the army's ban on gays and lesbians, and he sounded great too. Later he'd enact don't ask don't tell, and sign the "Defence" Of Marriage Act", while he was cheating on his wife. So, yeah, vote one left me a bit cynical when it comes to considering gay issues and the presidency. We'll see.

There were several votes on which I was truely conflicted, but ended up just doing it (these people for example). One vote, though, that I was not conflicted at all with regarding Salt Lake County Mayor, Peter Corroon. I've had the benefit, as a volunteer, to work with many of the people at the county for more than a couple years now. It's one thing to respect a man from what you read in the news; it's another to find unsolicited praise from his employees. This is a man I've come to respect, one I trust with my tax dollars and one that makes the label of politician sound honorable. I'm Scot and I agree with this message; vote Corroon.

Anyway, I resisted voting early last year because I like the ritual of election day. But I had a meeting at the county building and thought I better just do it. What if I get sick? I'm glad now I did it and hope others take advantage of it as well (for Salt Lake county residents).

Boy, won't I look stupid though if tomorrow Obama comes out with a proposed Gay Labor Camp Initiative to solve our economic woes?

More on the Debate

I asked Brian yesterday if he could tell me other reasons (besides war and peace) he thinks he likes Obama and his brother likes McCain. He thought for a while and said "Maybe because I look like Barack Obama and my brother looks like John McCain?"

I guess he kind of does.

While I would never advise to vote by who looks most like you, I was touched to realize the boys really have never noticed or mentioned the race of even the children in their classes. I hope it goes to show how hard people have to work to make children measure race as difference.

Now, as for Alan and Senator McCain, I wasn't seeing it. No offense Senator, but my kids are the most adorable children on the planet and it isn't easy to compare. The closest I got was in looking back at the baby pictures:

Heated Political Debate in Our Home

This morning I had to document the views of these little pundits:



I don't think we push political views on them, as may be evidenced by their partisanship. I'm disappointed, though, that a negative tone seems to come through in my voice after Alan says "McCain", complete accident :-).

I'm surprised they've picked sides because we don't really talk politics around them that much either, as we don't want them worried about such stuff, just yet--the future of the Supreme Court alone can give me a nightmare--but they pick a lot up from friends, family. They even chose to watch a fraction of the debates with us and with some interest, to our surprise (still that didn't change their minds and they've not been in the " undecided" camp for a couple months now; Brian was a Barack supporter throughout the primaries).

Anyway, the message they come away with is:

Obama = Brings Peace.
McCain = Sends Armies = "Pretty Cool".

Of course it's a mess more complicated than that. I guess I should explain to Brian about the extra troops Barack wants to send to Afghanistan and his expressed willingness to cross Pakistan's boarder. And maybe I should explain to Alan that war is not near cool.

Eh, but I won't, just yet.

My name is Scot and I approve of this message.

I'm Qualified

A long while ago I announced my bid to be the next President of the United States of America.

I know. Many of you were thinking I was out of the running by now, and, sure, my campaign staff stopped returning my calls months ago. Nevertheless, I've been watching this election carefully and I think the time is ripe for me to make my move. It seems, by the media coverage and blogs, I may actually be the best man or woman for the job. Let me tell you why:

• I always wear a flag lapel pin, even on my tee-shirts, and I keep my hand over my heart, always; it's very difficult to type.
• I've never hugged President Bush; have never even wanted to.
• I don't bowl like a sissy.
• Even though it's so obviously your business, my teenage child is not pregnant or even extant.
• Rob has never given me a "Terrorist Fist Bump". Gay people aren't allowed to do "knuckles"; it's in our charter.
  
• The rumors that Wolfey, my grandson and our son Brian's favorite stuffed animal son, mauled a teddy bear in 1964 are totally exaggerated. The bear was asking for it.
• There's no bombastic preacher in my past; no religious leader in my life at all. That's not a problem in the US of A, is it? We don't have religious tests here; a gay agnostic can be president, right?
  
• My upper lip moves when I speak. Really, it doesn't just lay there like a flap of leather.
• I'm not a Muslim, not even a secret Muslim (as far as you know).
• The New Yorker has never done a cartoon of me and Rob in leather-men getup while groping each other in the White House, with a portrait of a cone-bra wearing Madonna over the fireplace, in which the Proclamation on the Family burns. At least not yet.

See, I'm perfect for the job. And here I thought I'd have to think about some of the hard problems facing our country, like health care and wars and silly stuff like that.

So vote for Scot in 2008. Rob has already picked out the new White House drapes and china pattern.