Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Two Things

In the midst of my tub/sudoku ritual this morning I hear an unbelievable commercial on the radio. I thought it must be a parody. Then I searched the company's name and found that no, it's an actual company advertising on a Utah radio station. I could only find a tv spot:



Check out the web site: here.

"LIFE IS SHORT. HAVE AN AFFAIR."

That's right, T *bleebing* M.

How can I raise my children in a world with such prurient and unchecked promotion of what I have to assume is the heterosexual lifestyle? There ought to be a constitutional amendment.

Okay, all joking aside, how terrible is that? People will mobilize to constitutionally keep loving couples, parents even, from having legal equality in rights and responsibilities, but over 3 million people are using this "dating" service for people, who may be legally married, but wouldn't know a marriage if it took their children and half of all they considered theirs. You have to laugh to keep from, well, the horrible reality of it.

Then I saw this story:

"Caption gaffe: Apostates, instead of Apostles 'worst possible mistake'"

A BYU paper listed the 12 apostles as the 12 apostates. I'm sure the FLDS see it as God working through Word's spell checker, but it's probably just a silly mistake.

However, "the 12 apostates" did give me an idea.

I'll be accepting resumes through the week.

We are looking for charismatic, dynamic go-getters. Applicants must have strong leadership skills, but must also be able to work in a group. Those with any remnant of goodness or decency left in them need not apply.

Applicant must have at least 2 years of professional experience undermining the cherished beliefs of others, or equivalent experience in a 4-year degree in Gender Studies or Evolutionary Biology. Must show working knowledge of the Necronomicon, Excel, and PowerPoint. Multilingual a plus.

Eleven positions are open in this elite, super secret and diabolical organization. Apply now!

8 comments:

Kengo Biddles said...

FWIW, since I won't qualify for the position, I'd like to offer you my services as a consultant. I know a great firm that can get you all the supplies you'd need for your "elite, super secret and diabolical organization".

Evan said...

I remember seeing that commercial during the super bowl... I was curious as to why it was allowed to play in TX of all places.

Ezra said...

I was totally going to write a post about this, but in my case, it was a commecial for www.OnlineBootyCall.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDTHo9G_t4o

The commercial featured a man being kicked through the air after proposing marriage--basically "why get married when you can just get booty calls"

And homosexuals are destroying America? It enrages me.

D. said...

Right now the website says it has 3,610,000 like minded members and 13,6896 members online. What are these people thinking?!

drakames said...

"I'll be accepting resumes through the week."

Laugh of the day. Thanks!

Rosemary said...

Good Lord, glad I don't watch TV much anymore if stuff like that is allowed on there. I like the idea of 12 Apostates, though. Could be a superhero team.

Scot said...

"I know a great firm that can get you all the supplies you'd need for your "elite, super secret and diabolical organization"."

Boy, thank you Kengo! That'll be a big help in furnishing our dark dungeons lair, deep beneath the Salt Lake Unitarian Church.

Evan "I was curious as to why it was allowed to play in TX of all places."

For the same reason Utah is the nation's internet porn capitol?

Ezra, I hear ya. When will families be judged by the connect of their character instead of the shape of their constituent anatomy?

"What are these people thinking?!"

I'd suppose "LIFE IS SHORT. HAVE AN AFFAIR.™". Ugg.

"Laugh of the day. Thanks!"

Laugh? I'm completely serious. I mean, I know others refer to me as an apostate, so I may as well fit the bill, right?

Well, okay ;-).

Rosemary: "I like the idea of 12 Apostates, though."

Wonderful, I assume then you'll be applying? I'm having trouble finding applicants... To sweeten the deal, the position does comes with a great spandex costume, and a hairless cat to menacingly stroke.

hanna said...

Is it realistic to make a promise “I will love you until death do us part”? Famous Russian writer Leo Tolstoy who is considered an expert in understanding human feelings and relationships between people in general and man and woman in specific, in his novella “The Kreutzer Sonata” said: “To say that you can love one person all your life is just like saying that one candle will continue burning as long as you live”.

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