Friday, December 21, 2007

Click Here Before Christmas!

Surprise!

I know it’s early, but I didn’t want to catch my readers on Christmas and make them feel bad that they got nothing for me. I’m thoughtful that way.

Without further delay, I got you two presents:

Click to Unwrap Gaily Wrapped Package with Dried Citrus Fruit Décor #1

Click to Unwrap Gaily Wrapped Package with Dried Citrus Fruit Décor #2

Do you love it?

I knew you would.

The first is a donation to This American Life, to support their free podcasts. By my site stats and the price per year per listener they pay for bandwidth, all my daily readers and a couple more can now download it each week and listen, guilt free for a year! It’s one of my favorite radio programs, and I hope you like it; I love Ira Glass (who, as odd as it might sound, is my idea of a sexy celebrity).

The second gift is a little more practical, like the package of underwear Santa might stuff in your stocking. It’s irrigation water. It only lasts for two months, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

Yes, yes, you’re very welcome.

In all seriousness, I do love and appreciate our interactions and did want to genuinely get the frequent visitors here something, without scaring them with a package from an internet personality. I hope the water and guilt free podcasts fit. So merry Christmas Paul, Mr. Fob, Chris, iwonder, Elbow, playasinmar, Beck, Abelard, L, Chedner, Brady, MoHoHawaii, Java, Cas, J, and all those other people for whom I feel like a smuck for starting a list on which I knew, from the start, that I’d forget a couple people I really appreciate but just haven’t seen around here for a while!



You know…

Well… When someone gives you a Christmas gift, in this culture, most people might expect reciprocation. Not that I am; I’m just say’n… I mean, you just got a gift, right? And you don’t want to be thought of as some unmannered good-for-nothing, do you?

Of course, I’d never think that of you… but you know that’s what they’re thinking right now. About you.

Yes, it’s unfair. You’re a good person. You clicked yourself here having no idea you’d become obligated to anything and, yet, here you are. Obligated, by all sorts of social norms. And they’re all talking about how ungrateful you appear right now, sitting there just clicks away from giving me something nice in return. Unfair that.

Wouldn’t it be cool, though, if you really put me in my place and outdid my measly gift?! You could prove them all wrong about you!

I only gave my blog readers just over a dollar per visitor per day; that's nothing (though, please, still think of me as generous). Furthermore, just think of all your readers that you could obligate in turn! Make giving conspicuous and grotesque and contagious, I always say. Make it spread through the blog-iverse.

Whatever you decide. I know you’ll do the right thing, and I can’t wait to see what you get me. You could… Ah, never mind. You’ll do the right thing.

Just FYI, just incase, you can check out some nice gift ideas at give.org. You know what I think is a nice gift? Toys for Tots. Even though I gave it, I think I would appreciate some Oxfam too. Maybe a couple of you could go in on a camel for me? Oh, I’d be so surprised and delighted! It’d be the best Christmas ever!

Or surprise me with something else. I’d like that too.

Just know, our Christmas here will be ruined if you don’t get me anything, and we’ll sit home crying through to the New Year.

You don’t want that.

You don’t want to make my children cry, do you?

Eh, even if you get me nothing, Merry Christmas!

6 comments:

Java said...

You are goofy! And Ira Glass is mah heero! So my gift to you and Ira is a measly little $5. Enjoy it while it lasts.

No joke, I've loved the sound of Ira Glass' voice for years. Him and David Sedaris. Strange, ain't it?

Merry Christmas. And yes, I feel better now. :)

Scot said...

Wow, thank you Java. Measly?! That’s about ten years of listening to guilt-free Ira Glass podcast downloads! It’s something I’d bequeath to my children. I hope you obligate your other readers too, even using some of my gift :-).

No joke, I've loved the sound of Ira Glass' voice for years. Him and David Sedaris. Strange, ain't it?

Strange? No way. Do you listen to Radio West too? I feel similarly about Doug Fabrizio. :-)

So, I guess the rest of you are waiting until Christmas day then? Because I know I laid it on too thick to be ignored.

No need to wait. Let’s start a holiday tradition of giving such gifts to readers. Yeah! [sound of crickets]

[əɪ̯ wʌndɹ̟] said...
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[əɪ̯ wʌndɹ̟] said...
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[əɪ̯ wʌndɹ̟] said...

...and all those other people for whom I feel like a smuck for starting a list...

You mean, "schmuck" right?

So... I got you a Boxing Day Present.

I got you:

two ultra chic pink school uniforms. I mean, even poor people deserve some high fashion! :)

Happy Christmas :)

[əɪ̯ wʌndɹ̟] said...

I had some formatting problems with the links.

Anyway, Chappy Chanukah.