Sunday, February 17, 2008

Why I’m Here

A while ago Paul asked why I blog in the midst of gay LDS when I’m not LDS. In this time when it seems there’s been a mass slow down in the MoHo blogs (did I not get the memo?), I’ll take it as an opportunity to reevaluate the practice.

--I, of course, blog here directly for myself. I’ve this idea that if my family is seen, they’ll be less likely to be hurt by the path of government or faith here in Utah. So I’ll try to make ourselves seen by the local culture. And I think at least the other side fears I’m right as almost every time she is asked about gay parents in the public eye our local anti-gay rights activist, Gayle Ruziicka, tries to shame them back into the closet with something about how horrible it is to “use children for a political agenda” (that agenda being to alter her agenda, for which she doesn’t hesitate to insult our children). Yeah, does she also think I should teach my kids to wear dark camouflage clothing while biking at night? I don’t want to “use” them to alter the traffic’s agenda, right? :-)

--In general I like and am familiar with LDS people. I was once LDS, and the culture is still my culture, if not religion. There is also a good deal of common ground I feel with gay LDS specifically, as I detailed here.

--I’m here because this kid committed suicide at a critical point in my development and it kind of left me in an infinite loop.

--In the same vein, I’ve know too many sad personal stories from gay LDS, too many deaths, too many diseases, liars, cheaters, too much heartache for gay men and heterosexual women and their children. I long for the day when I go to a gay function and don’t meet yet another 50-something guy with, say, eight kids at home, a man on his newly out arm, and a very angry ex-wife trying to figure out what’s wrong with her that she couldn’t keep her home intact and who’ll do all she can to keep her x from their children.

--I’m kind of trapped :-). I know some people blog because they have some personal issue to work out and once they're happy with it, they’re done with it, and that’s great. The issue I have though is not in my hands and has no end in sight (unless we just say F*beep* it, we're moving to Canada ;-)). There will be many years until Utah undoes the constitutional amendment against my family. There will be many more years of tragic gay LDS stories in these parts. I’ve been maintaining an online presence for a long time now, in cycles of intensity. While this blog is by far the smallest, it seems I’m about to start back into something much larger, resigned to the fact that this is just part of what I do. I’ve tried to stop, and I’ve lived in situations where I can hardly notice we’ve a political difference or that being gay can mean tragedy for so many, but the more comfortable I get the more nagging I feel to go back and make myself uncomfortable. May as well stop cycling and bight the bullet, right?

And those are the reasons why I’m blogging in a LDS area, specifically. I also, of course, like all the other blogging benefits: expressing myself, making friends, showing off our unbelievably adorable children, debate, and being complimented on any and all of my brilliant ideas. That helps too :-).

6 comments:

[kɹeɪ̯g̊] said...

The issue I have though is not in my hands and has no end in sight

That's probably a main reason why I also continue to blog. I have more or less gotten past a lot of the reasons and issues that were present when I started blogging about a year ago. Now I blog because of the reason above, and because I like it. Also, while my being gay is a large part of my blog, its by far not the only thing.

Java said...

I had no idea when I started blogging that this would be a big part of why I continue, but I LOVE the positive feedback and encouragement my readers give me. Does it feed my ego? Of course, but more than that it validates my ideas and opinions. I need that more than I knew.

So yes, I understand how nice that is. And I compliment you on this brilliant post. :-)

MoHoHawaii said...

I'm glad you're here.

Scot said...

"And I compliment you on this brilliant post. :-)"

And I compliment you on a brilliant comment. We can feed each other's ego :-).

And thank you and ditto MoHoHawaii.

Paul said...

I'm just thankful you're here.

You write. I read. Sometimes, I even comment.

Scot said...

Ah, thank you Paul :-).