Matchmaker

This is not nearly a substantive post; I know it is even boring and cliché to wonder about such a topic. Nevertheless…

Rob’s back is still giving him trouble and so I’m again on laundry duty.

Now, these are our boy’s socks that have been unfaithful, that have no match:

I’ve cleaned the whole house, gone through the toy boxes; I’ve searched the garage and the cars. I'm feeling an unhealthy obsession with pairing them all up coming on. Maybe it's the scientist in me :-)... So:

#1. Why is there even that many varieties of blue and white kid socks in the world? I think Gap Kids just wants to make me unable to match them so that I have to buy a new pair.

#2. Where? Where do they go?!

T’is an ageless and clichéd question, but I really had no idea how much truth there was behind it until now.

Just Another Family

Our boys’ school, for each child, has what they call a family spotlight. About every other week there is a day where one child brings a poster telling about themselves and their family and brings in family guests to meet their class. Last week was the spotlight for both our boys (though they are in separate classes).

I’m left feeling a bit foolish. I just posted on this last month, but yet again I found myself tensing up. What questions are the kids going to ask about our family? How do we answer them in a way that is honest and absolutely doesn’t make it seem to our boys we are downplaying the strength, form, love and solidity of our family, without stepping on the religious toes of some of the other parents who may be LDS?

I should have learned by now. There were no tough questions, no awkward pauses. The kids already know; their families have apparently already processed the issue with them. All I heard was one kid asked another if I was Brian’s Dad or Papa.

I thought I’d have something to work out and blog about, but there’s happily not much :-)

The questions we did get were along the lines of “Um, what’s your favorite toy?” and “I used to be Brian’s girlfriend but he won’t be my boyfriend anymore.” That last one was from the same girl I mentioned in this post. Once again, little girl, that’s not even a question.

Anyway, they both did a great job with their presentations:

We were all very proud. Rob and I are also more than grateful for the network of support that came with us (as well as the support of the dog and parakeet...).

Afterwards they had a playdate with about 6 of their friends. We took them all bowling. Yes, it is quite stupid to put that many kindergarteners in the vicinity of heavy, fast moving masses, but we got away with only a couple pinched fingers and one hurt toe for the fun.


I’m not sure if their technique is allowed in the rules of bowling but the kids were picking up strikes right and left:

Amazing huh? (Forgive the blocked out faces; best not post pictures of friend’s kids.)

Okay, don’t blame me that I’m about to type now well past an appropriate stopping point; Java said she likes it when I ramble :-)

Thinking on it, you know what is probably really scary, what keeps our detractors here in Utah up at night (fully clothed in pajamas, in separate beds with extra-firm mattresses, just like June and Ward Cleaver)?

Our family spotlight was just another family spotlight. We came and went. Our kid’s poster will hang up in that classroom for a couple weeks, and kids will just pass by it as casually as they did with any other. There is no issue with us taking a bunch of kids bowling. There is no meeting we need to have with teachers or parents. Heck, one teacher pulled my mom aside and went on again about how she wished all her students had the sort of family support we’ve given our boys (she also told us, to my great relief, that there hasn’t been a single issue related to our family that she’s heard from the children or parents).

No, what our detractors probably fear most is the joyous humdrum of it all. They have so much invested in a faith that our family will do poorly, be controversial, and that our kids with suffer (even if it has to be at the hands of their kids, with “love” and in faith of course; it’s not hate, never hate… :-)). They have put near all their eggs, all their reasons for denying our home equal rights and responsibilities under the law in one basket, in their mantra that our kids need not us, but some mom and a dad, that they need the “ideal family.” But that is all wrong for my family and for our children; I see it personally every day, from the time I prepare breakfast to my last hug goodnight.

No, what we hear now as blessed silence, to the ears of our detractors, is the raucous sound of their rickety worldview in mid collapse.

Danzig’s Dissent

A brief detour…

This was in the paper today:

LDS Church disciplines musician

Peter Danzig , A member of the orchestra at temple square, wrote a letter in support of Jeffery Nielsen. Nielsen wrote an editorial expressing his conscience regarding the LDS church’s opposition to marriage for gay couples and was subsequently let go from his job as a BYU professor (I’m honored to say I’ll probably see the man tonight, if history is a guide). Back to Danzig and his wife (from the article):

“Within a week, LDS officials contacted Danzig with concerns about the letter. They suspended him from the orchestra and for the next year, he and, ultimately his wife, defended their loyalty, faith and actions. No amount of persuasion or pleading could convince these ecclesiastical leaders they meant well. Ultimately, the Danzigs moved out of their Levan house and, in December, resigned their membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints rather than face excommunication.”
…
“ Initially, Mary Danzig thought it was all a big misunderstanding. But soon, her own devotion to the church came into question. She, too, felt unwelcome in the orchestra. Her parents wrote letters to church authorities, begging for an audience or at least some understanding. They were unsuccessful. "I felt like my world had come crashing down when Peter told me he might be excommunicated," said Mary Danzig, at the time a member of the Primary Presidency in her ward. "What would happen to my family in the eternities, in our community, in our extended family? I found myself coming completely unglued every Sunday. I spent a great deal of time hiding in the bathroom crying with my little girls."

Sad, and disappointing to be sure.

I can’t help but contrast this with the guy I know in a similar position in the church but higher. He’s one of the wealthier men in the valley and he keeps and supports a wife, children, and a hot young boyfriend (who is also in the LDS church and has a wife and kids). Everyone who knows them knows the situation; they flaunt their affections in front of their wives (don’t care they?), and at the local gym they are all over each other for all to see. They’ve seemingly gone out of their way to make their situation clear and this has been going on for years, but have they ever been disciplined? Has he even been suspended from his position in the church? No, he’s still there, probably because he’s never outright said the words to a church leader (though he has to others), and he’s never said it in an editorial. He’s probably never expressed his conscience when his conscience said the LDS church has, like any other institution, made an occasional error. Heck, he’s probably never even thought the church could be wrong here and is just waiting for God to get rid of his "SSA" in the celestial kingdom, where his family and the family of his lover can just be good friends. I bet he’d even stay in line and stand against marriage for gay couples, and so he stays, but people like Danzig go.

Okay, I got heated :-). I began writing before I cooled down.

People like Nielsen and Danzig are rare in humanity, and they are bound to take bruises and bumps for it. Many people know what’s right, but they second guess, put things off; they don’t want to rock the boat, particularly if it’s the boat in which they float, such as their church. Most people are good cops, and, sure, that’s where I tend to fit too. But the others, like Danzig and Nielsen, these are the people who take the scrapes from clearing the path for change. Ironically, these folks in the church threatening them will likely be the guys who unintentionally encourage the rest of the congregation, those with a twitching conscience, to finally stand up and pave that same path, to eventually follow the full golden rule in equality for families such as mine.

Taco.s Rigor

A couple more aphorisms in this wildly popular blogging series. :-)

With tongue in cheek there’s room for a foot in the mouth.

And from years working on minority issues of all sorts:

The enemy of my enemy is my enemy’s enemy.

(I should have a more weighty post coming; today is my kid’s “family spotlight” at their school. Wish me luck :-).)

I. Or Rag Cost

A couple rules I try to follow regarding money:

Give freely. Lend no more than what you’d pay to measure the integrity of the person in your debt. If the debt is never repaid, you've spent your money wisely.

A good man is charitable without care for recognition. A better man aims to make charity fashionable, even at the loss of the respect of other good men.

please excuse the use of 'men,' it just sounds better than 'people' :-))

Cigar.s Root

Nothing makes the world seem more simultaneously threatening and hopeful, both broken and perfect than welcoming a child into it.

A Change of Pace

I’m trying now to force out the long fabled “site,” yes, the one I gave up on last year. It will come screaming into this world sooner or later, and, now that I’ve some gracious help, it should be sooner.

To that end, my free time will be split again for a while. What to do?

I’ve been reading Geary’s Guide to the World’s Great Aphorisms. It’s been a fun read from Mae West’s “Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before” to Bertrand Russell’s “War does not determine who is right—only who is left.” According to Geary a good aphorism should be short and have some sort of memerable twist.

I didn’t get a page into the book before I realized that I’m actually a collector of personal aphorisms and never knew it. I’m just so naturally longwinded. I suddenly remembered a file from years ago where I'd collected some aphorisms and just found it again.

I know I generally write posts that are way too long, and so now for something completely different (and time saving :-)). The next couple posts will be short, unbearably so for my traditional self, longing to explain in detail. But I think these short sentences get to some middle of my perspective and motivations, and, hey, I liked them enough to save them for years, and I’d love to see what sort of feedback they could elicit. Do you have a similar aphorism? A counter aphorism? Just keep in mind that:

As Laub says:

“Men appreciate aphorisms because, among other reasons, they contain half-truths. That is an unusually high percentage.”

;-)

So here begins a bunch of posts of some of my short aphorisms, starting with the notion behind the origin of my blog name:

Never look to complete yourself in love. Look instead to be the subordinate cog missing from a work much larger than any two individuals could ever become on their own.

Eh, I’d probably phrase that differently nowadays… Maybe:

Don’t aim to fill your missing pieces, but learn how they could help you fill a missing piece.

Or maybe:

Every cog inside a machine is as significant as that machine. Every other cog is as significant as a cog.

Or maybe:

A man has never been completed by completing himself.

(That picture is actually of a sculpture in our home; I guess I like the analogy.)

Why I’m Here

A while ago Paul asked why I blog in the midst of gay LDS when I’m not LDS. In this time when it seems there’s been a mass slow down in the MoHo blogs (did I not get the memo?), I’ll take it as an opportunity to reevaluate the practice.

--I, of course, blog here directly for myself. I’ve this idea that if my family is seen, they’ll be less likely to be hurt by the path of government or faith here in Utah. So I’ll try to make ourselves seen by the local culture. And I think at least the other side fears I’m right as almost every time she is asked about gay parents in the public eye our local anti-gay rights activist, Gayle Ruziicka, tries to shame them back into the closet with something about how horrible it is to “use children for a political agenda” (that agenda being to alter her agenda, for which she doesn’t hesitate to insult our children). Yeah, does she also think I should teach my kids to wear dark camouflage clothing while biking at night? I don’t want to “use” them to alter the traffic’s agenda, right? :-)

--In general I like and am familiar with LDS people. I was once LDS, and the culture is still my culture, if not religion. There is also a good deal of common ground I feel with gay LDS specifically, as I detailed here.

--I’m here because this kid committed suicide at a critical point in my development and it kind of left me in an infinite loop.

--In the same vein, I’ve know too many sad personal stories from gay LDS, too many deaths, too many diseases, liars, cheaters, too much heartache for gay men and heterosexual women and their children. I long for the day when I go to a gay function and don’t meet yet another 50-something guy with, say, eight kids at home, a man on his newly out arm, and a very angry ex-wife trying to figure out what’s wrong with her that she couldn’t keep her home intact and who’ll do all she can to keep her x from their children.

--I’m kind of trapped :-). I know some people blog because they have some personal issue to work out and once they're happy with it, they’re done with it, and that’s great. The issue I have though is not in my hands and has no end in sight (unless we just say F*beep* it, we're moving to Canada ;-)). There will be many years until Utah undoes the constitutional amendment against my family. There will be many more years of tragic gay LDS stories in these parts. I’ve been maintaining an online presence for a long time now, in cycles of intensity. While this blog is by far the smallest, it seems I’m about to start back into something much larger, resigned to the fact that this is just part of what I do. I’ve tried to stop, and I’ve lived in situations where I can hardly notice we’ve a political difference or that being gay can mean tragedy for so many, but the more comfortable I get the more nagging I feel to go back and make myself uncomfortable. May as well stop cycling and bight the bullet, right?

And those are the reasons why I’m blogging in a LDS area, specifically. I also, of course, like all the other blogging benefits: expressing myself, making friends, showing off our unbelievably adorable children, debate, and being complimented on any and all of my brilliant ideas. That helps too :-).

Even Though Cupid is Totally Gay…

..Rob and I have never been into celebrating the holiday. I think it has to do with the fact that, as we were growing up, the day became a gloomy reminder of the absolutely incontrovertible fact that we would both live and die alone. Teens can be as dramatic as they are lacking in perspective :-).

We were wrong, thanks be, and made it through all that and found each other. Still, the holiday always seemed like it was marketed to someone else, and so we resolved to spread that day’s romance around the calendar. We’re plenty romantic and sappy without any encouragement anyway.

Today, the holiday is special, as many others have become now, through our boys. We’ve helped them put their valentine’s cards together for all their friends, and I can’t wait to see what Brian’s “girlfriend” gives him.

Us though, we spent the morning at the capitol trying to get our representatives to listen to us on HB 318 (a bill that would allow some of our Utah parents to adopt the children they are already parenting in their homes so that they may get their children on their health insurance and be liable for child support and so on). Right now Rob is at the school as a volunteer helping the kids decorate Valentine’s cookies. And tonight we’ll have dinner as a family, kiss the kids goodnight, snuggle together on the couch and watch an episode of Lost (OMG it’s getting good :-)). So far it has been and it looks to be a perfect Valentine’s Day, in our own way.

Anyway, to all celebrating it in a traditional manner, Happy Valentine’s Day! (Or, if you’re the shaggy thong sort, Merry Lupricalia.)

Oh, and call your representative in support of HB318, and opposition to SB 267! :-)

A Dark Ugly Thing

Welcome to the Buttar’s Blog, all Buttars all the time.

This just in. Buttars says something jaw-dropping, even for him (from here).

Republican Sen. Chris Buttars' comment came during a debate on SB48, aimed at equalizing school construction funds. Sen. Howard Stephenson, R-Draper, called it "the ugly baby bill," but, as Buttars stood to vote, went further. "This baby is black. It's a dark, ugly thing," he said.

Of course, he didn’t mean it that way [rolls eyes] and he apologized to those who "took offence," but man…

Okay, that’s it. I’ll be trying to stop paying attention to the man.

Senator Buttars, I wish I could quite you!

Is there something like a nicotine patch I could use or something?

SB267

Well the bill revoking Salt Lake City’s registry is out of committee. Read the article here.

Please, if you’re so inclined and are a citizen of Utah, call your representative and express your opposition to this bill (Bill SB267). You can find their contact info here. If you are in favor of this awful bill, your representative may be contacted telepathically. Give it a shot; it really works!

Seriously, this attack on our families is past ridiculous and has to stop. It is very damaging to many people, not merely gay people. If you want to get more involved there will be a rally tomorrow (Feb 13) at the capitol at 6 pm. If you're a regular at my blog and are going to come, let me know so we can put a face to the fonts :-).

Oy, and check out this picture.

HERE

You can just see the righteous and tough love right there in Buttar’s face, huh?

Better Than Buttar

I was going to go off again on Buttar’s bill. Take a look at the article on it:


Bill targets Becker's new registry: Nongays, gays alike would be affected


It will be in committee tomorrow. If you have a representative in the Health committee, give them a call.

But I don’t feel like dwelling on it today. There’s only so much thinking on cruel men who feel righteous for the damage they do that I can take. I’ll just say, we watched Dune last night, and the baron Harkonen brought the senator to mind (Is that childish? Ah well, it gave Rob a good laugh :-)).

Instead, I think I’ll read from my kid’s journals. That always cheers me up. No worries, it’s a public journal they write in class, they love seeing their art on my blog, and what are they going to confess at 5? Contraction of cooties?

I think they really highlight the differences in our boys too. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Alan:

The entry for this one was "I Like whales." If only whales were so cool.


I'm a sucker for any picture with me in it. (Note Mr. Fob: I'm not in pink.)


This is my favorite of Alan's. I regret not being so attentive to what falls out of the sky.
Whatever. A gold tooth!? Can you imagin? I'm sorry Alan; I'd rather you got a tatoo.



I love to know he'll hold me to my Spring project.

Now here's some of Brian's (it took me a while to find some that weren't just a list of the people he "Luvs", which is fine by me):


Okay, so we lost Wolfie, his favorite stuffed animal. This was as traumatic as the death of Whaley. So I ordered a new one, apparently on the www.com.


But then we found Wolfie the very next day.

Still, he waited patiently for the new Wolfie, Wolfie 2 (Wolfie 1's brother). That's Brian waiting at the door for three days... no no yes! When the new Wolfie got there all the other animals had another party.
I loved this one; he imagines his stuffed animals helping his dad out. FYI, our home isn't that messy. Really.

This says his animals all graduated from college today... I'm just glad I got my PhD before they did.

Ah, I feel better now, don't you? :-)

Should Utah Have a MSDS?

Throughout my life, I’ve often chose to put myself in places that are very likely bringing the moment of my death closer (at a rate greater than 1 second per second ;-)). Not purposefully, mind you. I’ve done it because I love science and I love being in the lab. I got my first job at 13 as a stock boy and worked there until I got into college. From 18 on my professional life has been a series of laboratories, most of which have been filled with a panoply of poisons that could kill a man in all sorts of colorful ways.

I’ve worked with substances that could easily eat through a hand, those that could infect me with deadly pathogens or leave me neurologically disabled, and voltages that could send a rhino well into the air. I’m not the sort of person who’s bothered by the idea of my death, but I’m not one who cares to court it either and I’ve been cautious. Now though, now that our boys are in our life, my caution has a new urgency. I have to live to at least see my grandchildren; I’m gladly obligated to that much.

So what really worries me now are those poisons of which I take in a little each day, just by being in a place. Not a month goes by that I don’t realize that an odd smell near my station is something that could contribute to a slow and ugly death, and those carcinogens add up. All I could do is find other work or be very careful. For now, I’ll just be very very careful :-).

But volatile carcinogens aren’t the only poisons I take in each day. A couple nights ago Salt Lake City voted to give gay couples some official recognition, to aid in their obtaining hospital visitation and maybe private health insurance for their spouses. Immediately afterwards Senator Chris Buttars began drafting a bill soon to be introduced which, by the account of those who’ve seen the language, has been described as very punitive and with palatable malice. He wants to stop Salt Lake City from giving us this scrap. They didn’t even give us a day to feel like our families can have a measure of protection and equal treatment in this state.

Such antics can keep me up at night; they can raise my blood pressure. I get stressed thinking how such anti-gay politicians and activist groups might, as they’ve threatened, come after our parental rights. I remain defiant and don’t want to let them get to me… but I feel their poisons slip into my thoughts each day here in Utah, like an occasional breath of a chemical that should really be kept in the fume hood, rightly away from any person.

And I wonder, is this killing me, however slightly?

A couple months ago--I wish I kept the paper--I read some research that showed African Americans who lived in situations where they experienced more prejudice were more likely to die of cancer and heart disease, years earlier than their counterparts. Is this what Utah is doing to me? And if so, do I owe it to my kids to move to where we are more comfortably accepted as equal citizens by the law? I remember going months in California without ever realizing we were gay, the sort with a difference. Do I need that? But then what about being around our family? What about the gay kids just coming out here, and the children of other gay couples we know here? We can’t just cut and run, right, even if the cost might be a couple years of life?

Don’t get me wrong; Utah really is a great place, a great state, but there seem to be poisons wafting about, as it were. We are one of the states with the highest incidents of suicide, depression, and teen STDs. Yet, no one here seems to understand why. I mean, we are extra good at the moralizing here, and shouldn’t that help cure societal ills? Unfortunately, the idea of goodness and justice is no substitute for goodness and justice, and the culture here, while right in many areas, has clearly got it wrong in others.

Funny, if living here is indeed shortening my life, the anti-gay activists would likely call it a result of my “gay lifestyle,” blind to the fact that my lifestyle is more puritan and chaste than theirs, and that they are the main source of stress for my home, practically the only source. They actually believe their “stop hitting yourself” argument. Unfortunately, I don’t think even the bigots affecting the African Americans included in the study mentioned above would take any responsibility for, or find their shame in the demonstrated loss of years of those they treated with inequality. Heck, most of them probably convinced themselves they were behaving justly, as many around here have talked themselves into thinking they treat everyone equally (I mean, I could leave my husband and marry a woman, just like any other man, right? ;-)).

What’s most sad for me though is to think of all the people around here, people I love, family, who’ve contributed to this climate by some moral equivocation or another. They never stand up to people in their community who vote for people like Senator Buttars. I’m glad for their nuanced position that keeps them in our lives and friendly, but frustrated that they remain so lukewarm and complicit. Ah, but there I’m getting stressed again :-); best stop.

Simply, I think this lab needs a new safety manager.

Gay Antagonists

In finding one’s way out of the closet, there are many landmines of which to be wary. As any woman will tell you, men can be pigs, and gay men may have the same failings these women bemoan. Maybe watch Dr. Phil to learn how to deal with that; me, I just recommend having the luck of finding a good guy from the start :-). But, in my observations, gay men seem to have a couple unique sorts of bad actors, due to our place in society and the trials of coming out. So, in accordance with broadcasting standards, I offer this psa. Newly out gay men, be on the look out for:

The Gay Samaritan -- This guy knows you’re confused, sexually pressurized, and looking for help. He’ll use that to take advantage of you. He’s like the creepy guy at a bar ready to dump a roofie in some girl’s drink, but, for this guy, his target doesn’t need to be drugged; they come vulnerable and confused from the stress of coming out. I’ve been hit on by such a creature; I’ve seen him switch from a selfless savior to horney sailor in the middle of a sentence. I gratefully never went for it, probably due to the fact that I had a large network of platonic help in my coming out from friends to family, but I do know a number of gay men who fell for the tricks of the Gay Samaritan. The newly out be warned.

Now, I don’t want to spread too much suspicion :-); of the helpful gays in the community I’m sure only a small fraction has ulterior motives. I know this may also sound like I’m saying that people should be suspicious of my attempts to help newly-out gay men, and, really, they should. Just as I encourage the clerk to verify the signature on my credit card, I think such suspicion is healthy. I know my motivations. I know they are to help and that I’d want another man in my bed as much as a woman (which is to say not at all :-)), but you can’t really know another’s motivation and, when you are coming out, you are vulnerable. Simply, all help coming out should be platonic help; after that’s done and your world has stopped shaking, then find a man :-). Along the way, trust a helping hand; just don’t follow it into a bedroom, or back alley, or what have you.

The Prodigal Gay -- This guy is addicted to repentance, even for false sins. Do not fall for a Prodigal Gay. He will cycle back into a “gay is evil, and I’m a repentant sinner” mode. This will break your heart. I’ve known a guy who’s waited decades for his prodigal gay to stop oscillating, even after his lover married a woman and took a relatively high position in the LDS church. Last we spoke this out gay guy was still periodically letting his lover into his heart and home. Don’t think you can save a prodigal gay from himself either; he knows what he’s doing at each cycle, even though he feels sincere about it. It simply pleases him.

The Prodigal Gay Samaritan -- This guy will hook up with another just coming out, and use the romantic love that develops to pull his target into his prodigal gay cycle when he decides to become the repentant sinner again. This is doubly dangerous. Simply, never have a romantic relationship of any sort while you are coming out or with a person who will feel guilty about it. It’s the law. Just say no, and so on.

The Crazy Gay -- Let’s face it. Some folks don’t exit the closet with all they went in with. It can leave some… um… a couple eggs short of a quiche. It’s unfortunate, but you can’t save these folks either. They’ve been hurt deeply by people who they thought they could trust and they have a lot to work out with those people before they should be considered marriage material. Before that, if you try to make a relationship with them, you’ll spend your time battling demons meant for their parents, friends, and so on. It’s great to be their friend, and love them as a friend, but, in my observations, romantic love and trust with such a damaged person will be more of a chore than a blessing.

The Machiavellian Gay -- This guy wants’ power and the microcosm of the gay community is as fine a place as any to get it. He’ll not look to you for romance. He’s more of a Nixon than a Bill Clinton. These folks aren’t in charge of the gay community in Utah anymore, but they were when I was coming out and I still butt heads with them. It’s the same in many minority groups, though. They’ll eat their own, try to pull others down so that they can get higher, and, once in control, punish dissent. Of the gays I’d warn about though, these are men to be confronted, not avoided.

Of course, there are many great people in the gay community; just as in any other. I hope I wasn’t too negative, and didn’t give ammo to enemies here :-). But, in a society that is resistive to gay relationships, there are certain characteristics created in this minority group that lead to some unique pitfalls and bad actors. The newly out should take care.

Common Fetid Ground

It seems our favorite Baptist Pastor will be protesting at the funeral of LDS President Gordon B. Hinckley.

If you’ve not steeled yourself up to such antics you should probably not read this link (and you’re probably a healthier man than I for the sensitivity :-)):

Here (I decided not to link to the worst of it, on the ghf site. I linked to an article that talks about it and links there but I don't want to directly boost his hits...)

It’s basically the same old screed that gays have faced for centuries. The LDS are going to burn in hell for all eternity with us gays, wishing we had only listened to their wisdom… But it’s not their wisdom, right? They’re not cruel, heartless, unloving, right? They love gays and the LDS and are only telling us the truth of God’s plan, one they follow in complete humility…

Sad. Hate may harden a heart, but that emotion which feels like love and isn’t will completely solidify it. Indulgence in such feelings is the sin that should send people hiding in the mountains at the thought of eternal judgment. But it won’t. Such mind games are made to please both the dark and light side of our human nature; love the sinner and treat him like an enemy. The ironic self-righteousness of the self-admitted vile sinner feels too good. The infinite ego found in submitting to your idea of God is too potent. What to do?

It just gets so old.

I suppose one could try to find a silver lining and imagine that common ground, no matter how fetid, is a place on which two groups can build. Maybe sharing such a shocking foe will go some way to making the gay community in Utah less willing to demonize their LDS opponents. Maybe it will make the LDS less willing to degrade our families and relationships or call for our legal inequality. Regardless, that’d be a thin lining on one large dark cloud of tomorrow's planned action.

I hope it snows like mad :-).

To those attending the funeral, I’d say just acknowledge the sadness in this guy and his family, let it quench your temper, and walk by silently; I’m sure a quiet prayer for them wouldn’t hurt either. And for goodness sake, don’t touch them. They’re all lawyers.