Saturday, August 09, 2008

We Could, but...

As a gay parent involved with gay parenting groups, we get, every so often, bulk email pleas from social workers and such for someone to adopt a particular child. Often, they are difficult to place children, and the person making the plea knows same-sex couples are a good bet for finding homes for such children. The most heart-wrenching I can remember was regarding a little girl born without arms and legs.

We got another today. Rob asked me if we should pursue it. I couldn't really tell if he was completely serious about it, and I considered it... Then thought of our boys and all the effort that would go into an infant and away from them. I told him now is not the right time. Besides, we've a good excuse, right? In a Utah adoption, only one person of a gay couple could be this child's legal parent, and it'd be better if a couple out of state took up the responsibility.

I hope they do, but they may not. This child may end up being passed around in foster care. It ain't easy to say no in such a situation, knowing that there is a child out there, waiting for someone to step up, knowing, as most every US family knows, your family could raise a child in need, but you've chosen not to.

4 comments:

Beck said...

There are so many kids out there that need homes! Our kids are adopted. They have come from incredibly difficult circumstances. And from their orphanages come so many more. When we've returned to their orphanage to give assistance and some "relief" it is heartbreaking to see so many more kids that need families. We've wanted to just take them all home... but at this point in our lives, "we could, but..."

Eleanor's Papa said...

We're back in the adoption pool waiting to be matched, and Eleanor's Daddy is already seeing profiles of sibling sets in fostercare and saying "Oh, we should adopt all three of these!"

Trying to find the right child(ren) is a challenge, particularly when you want to say yes to everyone -- and you fear that if you ever say no your karma will be so damaged no birthmother will ever pick you again.

Scot said...

Ah Beck, you've done far more than most.

Eleanor's papa: Karma fears aside, congratulations! I hope it's a (relatively) speedy process and those often inevitably bumps aren't too steep. (Would you like to see more about this email we just got? There are some complicating factors and a lot that would need to be checked out, though)

Eleanor's Papa said...

When our lawyer said Eleanor's adoption was the smoothest she'd ever seen, we thought it was hyperbole she gives everyone. Now we realize it was the truth.

In the last year we've had an almost-final placement evaporate disastrously in check fraud, and then a series of she-saw-your-profile-but-didn't-pick-you near misses. So I'm still open, but getting jaded. In a patient way.

Eleanor's Daddy is more resilient, however, so he'd love to hear any referals you hear of....