Whirr and Skip

I’m in a strange new land tonight, and I don’t much like it. R and I have not been apart for more than a day for about 7 years, and I’ve not been away from the kids more than one day in their life. Now he and A are about 5 hours away and there are 2 days to go.

We had planned to go to Moab this weekend to get out of the thick air here, but B got sick, and so we decided I’d stay home and attend to another obligation, and he’d go as to not disappoint family. So the boys get a long weekend of individual attention, but I’m feeling a bit off kilter. Okay, more than a bit.

B asked, as A and his dad headed off, why I was staying home (he thinks he could be left with grandma I suppose?). I told him to take care of him, of course. B said, interrupted by his weak little cough, “But Papa, Daddy told me I had to take care of you.” It made me laugh. R knows me. Every time something like this comes up I typically find a way around it, as the thought of being apart, and then the thought of them driving that far, through that horrible canyon, without me... Well, it scares me. Not that it’s reasonable.

I suppose I like my vulnerability and I can certainly be a sentimental sap. Saying good-bye and I love you to them was all it took. But I don’t care anymore to be an independent monolith of a man; I want to be uncomfortable without them. I very much value, as my blog title may attest :-), being one piece of what we’ve built, even if that means I may whirr aimlessly and skip a bit when the family is apart.

I’m just glad it’s a half step. B and I are having a good time; he’s on the mend, fever’s gone down, and he’s just going in and out of coughing fits… Though I must apologize to whoever ends up parking near the vomit in the Smith’s parking lot. It was a surprise to us both.

Well, I just put B to bed; just said good night to A and R… Now to try sleeping under such strange circumstances… People do it all the time, right? :-)