I started a post and realized I’ve typed it all before. Giving advice is often a hit and miss and miss and miss endeavor but I do feel strongly about this topic, and I’ll just give it anyway.
Gay, a User’s Manual.
And the short, flippant version, for such tastes:
On the Box in Which Your Gayness Arrived
For what it’s worth.
I don’t want to preach or suggest I’m this bastion of knowledge :-), but this is the advice I have and I do believe it can avoid a lot of heart ache, the sort I've seen too many times. So, seeming preachy and repetition be damned; I'll accept charges.