Thank you for purchasing Gayness* TM. We appreciate your patronage. Please, before operating Gayness, read all warnings and familiarize yourself with the owner’s manual. No warrantees expressed or implied. If you feel Gayness was shipped to you mistakenly, please, attempt to return it to [address smudged off]. If you wish to exchange Gayness for another of our fine products, keep Gayness in its original condition and meet all the terms of our return policy. Write to the address above for a copy of the return policy, in paperback or hardcover. Shipping may take 2 to 80 years.
For customer service, please call 801-5#5-18*7. A very limited number of operators are standing by. Thank you for your patience.
1-Owner’s manual. (Tomorrow)
*Gayness should not be operated while under the influence of alcohol, or certain cold medicines. Side effects may include alienation, anger, weakening of the wrist muscles, angelic assault, and hallucinations of improved fashion sense. Do not use Gayness if your wife is or may become be pregnant, or if you’ve been diagnosed with homophobitia or closetal occlusion. If you feel you are experiencing guilt or shame while operating Gayness, please discontinue use and consult your physician.