It seems Evergreen, a conversion therapy group for LDS gays who "want to diminish their attractions and overcome homosexual behavior", has come out in support of Proposition 8, article here.
For some reason, this is a more difficult attack on my family and union to absorb than the others.
I suppose it's because, sure, I feel like there should be some camaraderie, or at least the practice of the golden rule between people put into the same social categories if even by chance. My gut tells me they should feel like my brother in that societal way. Even if their religious education tells them there's something wrong with them, even if what brought me the indescribable joy of family is something that torments them, that they need to "diminish" and "overcome", even then my reflex is that they should feel, more than most, it's wrong to try to legally harm my family. It is, after all, the same thing that motivates us.
Or is it? Or are we aliens to each other and this gets to me uniquely for no reason?
I don't know.
They are SSA and I'm gay. They are trying to "overcome" what I cherish in the impetus of my family and my children. To them I am sinning, and to me, now, with this action, they are sinning. Why do I expect it to be different?
Really, neither of us means the same thing when we say we are gay or SSA. When I read some of their accounts of illicit affairs, living their past "gay lifestyle" and so on, they may as well be writing about their life as a 1st century Native American. It's not my lifestyle. It's been a long while since I've been in the closet; I can hardly remember even the thought I should have that particular self-overcoming struggle. No wonder when I, not too long ago, used the word gay a moho told me he found the mere term "cheap"; I truly am not what they are or were.
And, though they will be assumed to know, they have no idea what it's like to be gay for me, to be a father defending his family against such a goliath in my civil life as the LDS church. For me being gay, alone, doesn't mean a thing. It's not about troubling desires or sex or supernatural fears; it's a bland fact, along with my handedness and hair color. But being gay in Utah has another aspect, one we almost forgot when we lived in Ca and didn't have children. Being gay, to me, is an issue of health insurance, zoning ordinances, being treated as a family by law, protecting my kids from the kids being taught by the LDS church our family is "non-ideal" (all this stuff).
Maybe we're really not nearly the same creatures at all, and my reflex towards camaraderie is 100% misplaced, irrational.
I do know Evergreen's advocacy here will be used with special effect to argue for Prop 8, because we share that same something in the public's eyes. They will be misused as experts, and they know it. They know a gay man speaking out against our families is particularly effective. Simply, no one can be used against you more effectively than "one of your own".
Before I end, let me just weight in on a couple things said, executive director of Evergreen, David Pruden (because I know you'll read and care about what a random gay guy with a blog thinks).
"marriage between a man and a woman "is central to the gospel plan of salvation" because "the sacred nature of marriage" is closely linked to the ability to conceive children."
Fine, make it so in your faith and in your churches and in your home, but not my home. That's no excuse to treat us and our children with inequality in the government we must share.
""Those who favor homosexual marriage contend that 'tolerance' demands that they be given the same right to marry as heterosexual couples. But this appeal for 'tolerance' has a very different meaning and outcome than that word has meant throughout most of American history and a different meaning than is found in the gospel of Jesus Christ,"... Tolerance as a gospel principle means love and forgiveness of one another. In today's secular world, the idea of tolerance has come to mean condoning or accepting something - even if it is contrary to your values or beliefs." "
I'm sorry but BS. I don't care about your tolerance or 'tolerance'.
You and your leaders seem to keep using this argument to conceal the fact that it is your morality on the line here. I care that we get equal treatment from our shared government, that we aren't punished for others' faith about supernatural laws, that we are treated the way most all people and families want to be treated. Keep your acceptance, tolerance, condoning, and forgiveness as it is. Let me be clear: you are a stranger. I do not care how you feel about my family or any other; I care about how you act, how you hurt other people in your political actions.
I mean, I don't agree with or condone your religion, but just imagine what happens in a world where the majority imposes that belief on you. It's happened before and can happen again; we should be working to be sure it doesn't happen to anyone, regardless of our faith or lack thereof.
Anyway, another day, another piece moves in this sad game. Eh, I can't wait for Christmas. I certainly know what I'm asking as an early present to the family: to keep our legal marriage license and the possibility of moving back to the Golden State. If only Santa was a resident of California.