I’ve come to like and respect many of my fellow bloggers, and a couple of them are going through tough times right now. I read their blogs and my heart drops; my anxiety increases with each word. I worry about them and their loved ones. I think of them through my day. I start to wonder what I can do. I write out comments and second-guess myself: Is that patronizing, too harsh, unrealistic? It that more harm than help? And so on.I don’t want to harm one part of them by encouraging another. Neither do I want to be distracted by what I find perfect for me, in my home, as to assume and promote it as the right or practical answer for everyone. And then I feel presumptuous and self-important for even thinking it matters what I write :-). I’m almost a complete stranger, only blogging here for a couple months.
I think I’ve deleted more comments than I’ve posted.
In short, I did not anticipate such feelings (not to mention to be left without my usual longwinded $0.02 :-)). This is a strong emotional aspect of blogging that I only limitedly encountered in my old sites, or even in forums. Here an emotionally potent topic can be found near daily. It’s funny how that happens, too. A string of letters, a turn of phrase, and even habits of punctuation come together to form an idea of a person with whom you can’t help but relate.
Now, I don’t mean to say I’m some magnanimous spring of eternal compassion for the masses :-). Far from it. My home is my priority, and, honestly, there are real world things I’d not do to lend a hand (I’d type my point of view till my fingers turned blue, though, if I thought that’d help :-)). Of course, there’s a line. I’m also not going to claim I’m not going on my history. I’m not looking at blogs about, say, people who’ve lost their spouse to cancer; I’m looking at gay LDS blogs and relating to it with my past and my surroundings.
Nonetheless and for what it’s worth, I want them to know, even if I can’t think of the right words, they can count one more human as listening, reading, concerned, and invested to some degree, with however much meaning a blog relationship may allow.
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4 comments:
Sometimes you so articulately say what I've tried to say before (or some very close approximation) that it astounds me. Blogging relationships are definitely unique, but love is love and I've found it to be unavoidable with the heart-baring nature of the things we discuss.
Scot, what you do say when you say it is touching. It helped me a lot to have your simple sentence. It meant a lot to know there are people who're going through, or have been through what I'm going through, and are caring about me in whatever way they can.
I hope you know, L, I take that as praise from Caesar.
Kengo. Thank you. For each comment I send out, there are at least twice as many I abandon for second-guessing, and then I end up with what, after looking back, feels like an anemic “Take care” :-), and it doesn’t seem to convey the right feeling. I’m glad some it's actually getting through. Words just fail at times, but I want you to know, that I wish the best for you and your spouse and your children. I mean, take the gay thing out of it altogether, and, as a husband and father alone, I imagine what you’re going though, and know my imagination doesn’t do it justice.
If there’s anything I can give you from my perspective, let me know.
I just want to let you know that your comments are appreciated. And I know the feeling of wanting to comment, but not thinking that what you have to say will be particularly helpful. But it is nice to know that there is at least someone else reading your post and trying to understand you.
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