Venom, Anti-Venom

I mentioned here my goodbye to my old site, and how it made me question blogging at all. But now blogging has brought me back to the point of seriously considering a new site. A blog simply isn’t favorable to some of these topics I want to cover for reasons of productive :-) debate and righting what I see as wrongs (mainly the topics in my “Main Stops” section there to the right). I’d rather keep a blog as more of a separate, personal record, and satisfy that other urge elsewhere.

Still, that goodbye makes me hesitate:

Furthermore, is there really anything else to say on this site? I mean, just how many intricate and winding side roads do I have to go down before I get it?… I tried to blame it on entertainment, but that doesn't cut it; this isn't fun anymore; it's distressing and becoming absurd….So, in the end, I still have my damsels in distress, axes to grind, hills and underbellies to defend, wicked plots to subvert, frauds to expose, and so on, but I can't help but think that going on here would be going about it the wrong way.

And life is so much better than this. Bitter-sweet, sure, but why kick against the pricks?

So, I'll be peeling off my spandex costume, throwing my cape under the bed, and corking my antlers. I know... A year or so ago, I tried to quit but failed, and so maybe I will again...

Firstly, I can see why my emoticon use has grown (I don’t think my self-amusement translates too well :-)… ;-)). But there you have it, as prophesized; after a couple years I’m thinking on going back to it.

Do I want to get into that again? (Haven’t I already with this blog :-)?)

BUT it’d not be the same thing… I hope. I hope I’ve learned a lot in those years; I’m near sure I have. I’ve changed enough to make the above contract null and void, right? :-)

I know this has changed (another excerpt of that goodbye):

I know the sentiment by heart [the sentiment of the violently anti-gay], save for a couple novel notes. Why did I do this to myself [become so familiar with those who want me dead]? I think, all these years I was hoping to become desensitized to the rhetoric by seeking out the people who'd do me and those I love harm. I wanted to hear them say it over and over again, as though each time such sentiment would hurt them more and more and me less and less. Now though, I don't know that I really want to be desensitized; maybe it should be shocking and maybe it should hurt.

That was an unhealthy effort, and I no longer hope to “seek them out”; I want to talk this though with far more reasonable people :-). I certainly no longer think being unaffected by other’s vitriol is a strength I want. I also know now people can be cruel and feel it as love, oddly enough. I don’t care either if it eats at them more or less than it does me. It eats at us both and, these days, I clearly don’t have the right to attempt to stoically take damage to those parts of myself; others own them. It’s those others though who make speaking up so important.

That’s, in fact, the crux here, the balance I need to make: an appropriate, measured, and respectful defense, but one that doesn’t trip into angry retribution. If I can trust some of my gracious fellow bloggers :-), I’ve maybe learned some of that in the years past (also, the kids are great inadvertent teachers). Maybe getting back on that horse would be the right thing to do.

Simply, I guess I’m saying, if I do it, I’ll leave the horns corked, (try to) keep the emotions on the blog and away from anger and aggravation, and only take the cape out every once in a while :-).