Monday, April 09, 2007

I've The MoHo Solution

For those not following there is a debate going on as to what to call folks in this little web of blogs, others have summed it up (here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here) and I will not.

But my solution is very simple. Let’s let “MoHo” keep the purer meaning: A true believer in every aspect of the LDS faith (yes, even the gay stuff) who is also homosexual. And everyone else will be called AntiMoHos. Simple.

We can split all our blogs up into hyperlinked camps, and each can organize against the other. We can all have posts like “10 Reasons Why I Hate MoHos” and “The AntiMoHos: Satan Lovers, or Satan Likers?”. All true MoHos can, say, give their avatars a blue background and the true AntiMoHos can be red. That way, without even reading a comment, we can all make snap judgments as to whether we should seriously consider what’s in it. If you're red and they're blue, you can just go right away on to thinking of ways to insult and refute even their observations about the weather; It’ll be a timesaver.

Of course the camps themselves may split a bit. For the higher-law members of the MoHos, those who are doubly LDS and can’t even ethically say the word homosexual, we could have the MoMoSSAs (a queer drink if there’s ever been one). They’d of course be better souls than the average MoHo, but would swallow their disgust for the sake of defeating the AntiMoHos (But once the AntiMoHos are gone watch out, regular MoHos. Nothing is a better chaser for a purge than another purge). In the AntiMoHo camp, we’d have everything from liberal LDS to vile atheists, and so you know there’ll be trouble there too. But I’m sure we can all put those differences aside as well, as long as we’re all in agreement that the MoHos suck and their differences cannot be tolerated, that is.

As I’ve never thought of, or referred to myself as a MoHo, I’ll be handling registration for the AntiMoHos. Give me an email, and, with a 50-dollar donation to our new organization, “The New Organization for the Terrorization of MoHos” (NOTMOHO), I’ll send you our secret team handbook that delineates all the great reasons we should fight the MoHos to our last internet breath, insights into the MoHo’s secret and frightening agenda, and why they want to drown puppies. I’ll through in a T-shirt too, with our logo and cut off at the midriff, free.

Let’s do it, team AntiMoHo! Yeah!!

Other than that, which is undoubtedly the best option, we could just let it be :-).


drex said...

You make being an AntiMoHo sound so fun. ):

In the end I think everyone will let it be, but it's certainly interesting to discuss the evolution of the word. I haven't entirely decided where I stand on the other aspect.

Scot said...

"You make being an AntiMoHo sound so fun. ):"

I thought both camps sounded horrible :-), particularly if I have to wear a cut off in public.

"it's certainly interesting"

I agree; I just hope it doesn't get too serious.

Master Fob said...

Oh dear, Scot, you've completely left out the Ex-MoHos, the Ex-AntiMoHos, the Anti-AntiMoHos, and the Ex-Anti-AntiMoHos. And really, we should distinguish between the MaMoHos (married) and the NoMoHos (celibate), and for that matter between the Co-AntiMoHos (married or other committed relationship), the No-AntiMoHos (celibate, but not by choice), and the AntiMoHoHos (ahem... emphasis on the last syllable). Really, we can't stop with only a few broad-sweeping divisions--you might end up accidentally associating with someone not entirely alligned with your personal dogma, and we can't have that, can we?

playasinmar said...

I'll add Reformed AntiMoHos, Focus on the Family sans MoHos, and Community of AntiMoHos to the mix.

Kengo Biddles said...

Can I be a Hassidic MoHo?

playasinmar said...

You can but you'll need super long hair and to always wear a samurai helmet.

I just realized that would make you the coolest MoHo ever.

Kengo Biddles said...

WOOHOO! Do I get a katana? Is it a 3d6 or a 4d7? WOO!


Scot said...

Oh dear, Scot, you've completely left out the…

Their time will come.

You’re totally not getting the brilliance of my solution ;-). It’s us vs. them… until there’s no more them. But then, thankfully, it can be us vs. a new them again.

And I want the samurai helmet.

Master Fob said...

Oh, great. Does that make me a them?

I hope your brilliant plan includes the conversion of MoHets into full-fledged AntiMoHos through high school GSAs.

Scot said...

Oh, great. Does that make me a them?

The great thing is that we're all them to someone, and everyone can eventually become another's them, until there's only one person in the triumphant us.

See, I've thought this out thoroughly.

playasinmar said...

Just a quick clarification: the sword Kengo referred to is the

+2 Kosher Katana

Kengo Biddles said...

That's right! No mixing of meat and milk in MY battles, I tell you what! Can't be hassidic if I'm not keeping Kosher!

Distinguishing Preoccupation said...

In the words of ATP:

"I think I may have to insert a z-snap with a ghetto head roll.


Marmoreal said...

thanks Scot,
I haven't laughed that much in quite a while. and you've got a crew of clever commentators as well, but you all forgot the MoBi tribe (you know that group that possessed the land long before any other. you wouldn't want to leave the bisexuals out of the mix, would you? - don't answer that!)

Silus Grok said...

And what of the quiet siblings to AntiMoHos? The FoMoHos? Hm?

Scot said...

Just a quick clarification: the sword Kengo referred to is the

+2 Kosher Katana

That’s nothing. The AntiMoHo T-shirt I’m offering (yours free with every generous donation) gives a %50 chance to save in case of bad haircut, gives a +3 modifier to your dancing ability, and makes you impervious to blunt weapons on Rosie O’Donnell’s Birthday. And they are enchanted items, each possessed with the partial spirit of Paul Lynd. Top that.

Though I should confess, they also make you run like a girl (or a boy… whatever you’re not). Small price, right?

the MoBi tribe

Yeah, umm. If you just hand over your passwords peacefully, I’ll be taking over your blog space for the manifest destiny of the AntiMoHos asap. Maybe you all could move on to the quaint internet real-estate we don’t want. Some chat room in America Online’s realm, maybe?

And what of the quiet siblings to AntiMoHos?

Who cares? Neither side of my grand vision has any use for the quiet, or the reserved, or compromising for that matter.

I fear no one is appreciating my genius here. No one has even asked to join my AntiMoHo squad. Surprising.

Edgy said...

I'll join your AntiMoHo squad if you change our avatar background to blue instead of red. Heaven forbid we be associated with the Red Staters.

Master Fob said...

Pfff. I'm starting my own AntiMoHo Squad. We're called FOAMH--Friends of AntiMoHo--and I am Master Foamh.

Scot said...

By your luck in other’s lack of interest, I’ll accept your terms. Maybe we should be pink?

Master Fob,
Don’t make me come over there. I will not tolerate dissent, until I’m done not tolerating them.

Peter said...

This was wonderful and appropriate satire for all the moho drama. Thanks.