Friday, April 27, 2007

Vital Advice for Gays

While I did get the better of a homophobe in the past, there was one instance in my history where I was the one beaten after a physical assault. The event left me with a huge bruise on my back and a bloodied lip. What’s worse is that it ruined one of the most important days of my life and I can’t say I’ve 100% recovered from the emotional scars.

My assailant was a stranger, about 4 feet tall, a brunet, with terrible posture. He was, in fact, a chimpanzee, and it was my 10th birthday.

If you take anything from my blog, let it be this:

If you’re gay, never walk behind a chimp.


They’re stronger than they look, and very homophobic. It’s part of chimp culture.

Eh, I needed a chaser… and who else can say they’ve once been beaten up by a chimp?


Loyalist (with defects) said...

i really dont like monkeys. from living in the asia, i discovered they were nasty little creatures.

this just adds fuel to the fire.

(muttering) "homophobic little monkeys. One day..."

Loyalist (with defects) said...

oh, and you should see what they did to Charlton and to Marky Mark. it was just so sad.


My Best Is All I Have said...

Those damn, dirty apes! Arrrrgh!!

Kengo Biddles said...

SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE ... oh... Sorry. Wrong movie.

playasinmar said...

I've heard good things about Soylent Green but I'm sure it varies from person to person.

Scot said...

Frankly, I’m offended at how callously every feels they can treat my chimp beating.

And what was up with the twist ending of the new Planet of the Apes? I mean, sure, I like Marky Mark and all (I don’t think Rob will let me watch The Departed ever again [sigh]), but how was that supposed to have happen?