Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008, The Year Here

New Years is more like the last gasp of the winter holidays for us than the climax. Rob hasn't been awake to see the new year come in for about a decade--I usually just give him a careful kiss on the cheek--and goodness knows I don't want to face two 6-year-old children new years day that have been up past midnight. So tonight we'll be celebrating early and at home.

So what do you have to say for yourself, 2008? Looking at my blog sidebar, it has been a rather large and mixed bag. In fact, if I didn't have a blog I fear I'd not have remembered all the ups and downs.

Firstly, we went on many great vacations, and they were very fun (needed more words for links :-)). The best moments of 2008 really have been those when it's just the four of us on an adventure.

I learned to never kiss aquatic mammals.

Rob herniated a disk and I became much more domestic.

Alan got glasses, I got minor surgery, and we got a bunch of new pets.

I was smuggled into a panel on children of minorities in Utah schools.

Senator Buttars had his fun harming our families, for the sake of families.Nevertheless, I hope he had some Happy Holidays.

Peter Danzig was fired for supporting Nielsen for supporting GLBT people.

I was optimistic about the new church leadership. Did I have reason to be?

I began to worry about how living here affects my health.

I did political stuff, as a delegate.

We opened, but it still needs a lot of work, time we don't have. We also got the blog going and that's still trying to find the right voice.

I finally got my doctorate, and there was much rejoicing.

I was rightly worried about California allowing us to have equal rights.

Rob became the "Room Mom" for our boy's class.

We met a bunch of MoHos at Pride.

I went to prison and consorted with police officers, but that turned out problematic.

I got engaged to be married, again.

The LDS church told their members to "do all you can" to be sure our legal marriages wouldn't last.

I got upset at family who support such a message.

I did what I could to address those against us at and reviewed the research on children of gay parents, along with the arguments against marriage and such.

A suicide got to me, as well as a beating, and an attempted suicide.

We left for California, and we were, again, married on our 13th anniversary. Those two days, described in that last link were the best days of this year and of many others, right below the birth of our boys and our first marriage. I wish we could look back on them now without that bitter sweet haze, without remembering it knowing we'd be hit down so soon afterward. Ah well...

The LDS church totally drank Affirmation's milkshake.

Then their PR department claimed they were victims if gays kept equal rights. They lied about Europe, mislead about the Catholic Boston Charities case, and insulted the moral character of my children, all with much love, in press release meant to "reduce misunderstanding".

Evergreen backed them.

LDS families broke, mine a bit as well.

We got our 3rd marriage license, and held much hope that it would keep legal weight come November.

As soon as the ads started, the poll swung from a 17 point lead for our families on Proposition 8 to a deficit. And man, talk about the ads, deceptive and dehumanizing and paid for by some in my family and many in my state. That hurt.

As the LDS seemed to have paid for the majority of such ads, I tried to introduce them to the GLBT nation.

The LDS church then pushed harder, telling college students in a video that they would get supernatural blessing if the fought against our families using "viral" online methods. Then the chain letters started; those were so full of misinformation that they would have been funny, if not for their effect on many families like mine.

But hey, Conneticuite made our marriages legal! If only I had a job prospect there.

Then a purple badger ate our pumpkin.

I began having a hard time sleeping.

Rob began wanting to move from Utah, and from the hostile culture here.

The election happened and we lost Proposition 8, but my guy won the presidency. My family was in legal limbo again.

Looking back on those posts, I was more hurt than I realized. It's not easy feeling like there's a tide of people out there who think it's a moral good to hurt those you love and need to protect the most. It's frightening. To be honest, I'm still not over it; it still stings. Back then I thought I'd be over it all by now but something was different this time; having your family being held back is not the same as them being knocked back from the legal ground once held. Best not think too much of it on a holiday though.

We spoke out, and the LDS church was shocked that we did. Honestly? They were surprised? I still don't get that.

I felt some despair, but the new and stronger gay community helped end that.

Regardless, I revealed myself to be an unimaginably horrible person.

I finally started to sleep normally again, but still feel a physical pain from the stress of Prop 8, even today. Should I get that checked?

I tried to get everyone to give a charitable gift for the holidays. I tried to make it work, but not many were interested. I really don't know how to give up on this either, and they will gift next year :-).

I leaned on friends, both old and new.

Lastly, I'll list that I got engaged again, twice in one year. If I need to, I'd renew my vows to my family every day, every hour. I'll take on those legal responsibilities and try to secure the stability of equality under the law for them as many times as others forcibly divorce us, plus one. We will start again, if we need to. This cog, in this family, will spin until it's done; that's simply the thing that I am.

In ways it's been a hard year on my family. I've three people, though, that make surrender impossible and all the losses well worth it. Come on 2009, I'm ready for ya.

And Happy New Year All.


chosha said...

Happy New Year to you all, too! 2008 certainly had more than its share of challenges. I hope 2009 is better and brighter.

maybemaybenot said...


I have followed your blog for several months now. Sometimes, I sit and read it for hours and hours (no wonder my husband keeps grounding me from the computer :). Today was one of those days.

I've felt a rollercoaster of emotions on my journey through your blog: Happy, silly, frustrated, worried, anxious, sad...

Anyway, as the New Year opens up to us, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being a wonderful man, father, husband, friend, humanitarian and example.

Thank you for educating many on the often unique issues and challenges faced by same-sex couples. Thank you for helping to open the minds and hearts of fellow bloggers, friends, family and the like. And thank you for doing it respectfully and honestly, but never compromising your position or losing your passion for justice. That is a difficult balance to strike, but you have done it artfully and successfully.

Mostly, thank you for never giving up. As I've stated to you before, the fight for rights for same sex-couples and their families has become front and center priority for me and some of my children (we're still working on Dad and some of the other kiddos) this year. And it is a cause we will see through to the end.

This may sound silly, but I have genuinely come to love and respect your family through this blog. Some might find that a ridiculous thing to say about someone you have never met. But what is more important, more core, or more central to a person than their passions and their emotions? What more can you glean from a person's character than how they treat their families and loved ones and even their foes?

You don't need to see someone's face or sit in a room with them on a regular basis to learn those things. I admire what I have learned about you - your morals, your integrity, your determination and your convictions. And I am grateful for what I have learned from you.

Let it be clear, you have, no doubt, made a mark, made a difference with this blog. And I am certain you will continue to do so. As I have told you before, when things seem uphill and cruel and unfair and frustrating, please remember you have many supporters out here. And it is only a matter of time before you and your precious family will enjoy all the rights that you so deserve. Of this, I am confident.

Take care, dear friend.

Scot said...

Thank you Chosha.

"I hope 2009 is better and brighter."

Well, it's not an election year, so there's a plus :-).

Maybemaybenot: That must be one of the nicest and heartening letters I have ever received. Thank you so much. You made my day and it means a lot to me.

I even had to call Rob in here to read your comment and brighten his day too.

Our family depends on families like yours. We'd probably not even be able to speak up online, if it weren't for others taking a look past the stereotypes and taking a stand. 2009 looks orders of magnitude brighter knowing you all are out there.

And yeah, maybe some would see it as odd for me to be so affected by physical world "strangers" too, but online connections can have many core and valuable qualities.

Anyway, we hope you and yours have a wonderful new year as well, and thank you again, for both the kind words and for the voice you give our families where our voices do not carry.

And tell your husband I'm sorry ;-).